day #55

~be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens.~

1 thessalonians 5:16-18

it's been a busy/tough past 2 weeks,

at least 4 days of which were spent sprawled on the couch in pain from a toothache.

but there was still joy in the pain, and passion to be celebrated.

the thing i'm learning this month about passion is that it comes from unexpected places & at unexpected times.

passion doesn't like to be predictable or controlled.

and it doesn't like to be ignored.

ignoring & not appreciating it causes it to go in search of another.

that was why the verses at the start of this entry appealed to me.

they're an invitation to gratitude even when things seems off/odd/wrong.

i'm coming to recognize that it's when things are o/o/w that passion is a breath away.

that unpredictable, uncontrollable creativity is being dislodged.

today, i'm appreciative of the interruption that breaks my routine,

the uncomfortable challenge that introduces me to new people,

the rote homework assignment that goes tangential into a new area of discovery.

today, i am praying to be perpetually, sincerely thankful.

day #43

been reading through 1 thessalonians, & skipping over parts.

this is amusing to me, as the book is only 4 pages long in the message bible.

however, i found i couldn't relate with some elements & moved on.

and then i took a moment this morning to ask myself:

why can't i relate?

what are those elements?

the answer was this:

i couldn't relate with the intensity of love that paul expressed toward the thessalonians.

he genuinely loved them.

an intense philos love.

and that doesn't compute for me.

to me, philos love is a just nice, pleasant thing.

i'm unfamiliar with it having the passion of eros.

to hear it expressed to that level seems fraudulent, insincere.

but as i've gone back & read it over, it's completely sincere.

paul really liked these people!

so my passion paradigms are shifting a smidge this morning:

aching passion can be expressed in friendship & platonic appreciation.

that doesn't jive with me quite yet, but i'm open to examples.

today, i'm questioning the boundaries & limits i've placed on these relationships in my life.

day #41

it's a birthday party!

i've been tied up with work, school, & a sick cat,

and today is bob's birthday.

but i've managed to make time & create space to embrace this special day.

birthdays are an interesting phenomenon.

they're a celebration of life & the uniqueness of each person,

but they can also be times of stress & the unpleasantry of unmet expectations.

today, i'm going easy on myself & bob so we can truly enjoy his day.

this year, passion is about celebrating the celebrations,

not freaking out & worrying over them.

after all, it's the improvised moments that mean the most in the end.

days #31-39

it's been a long, hard week.

lots of driving & busyness,

mixed with trying to settle emotions stirred up by all the activity.

i don't tend to be an extremely emotional person,

so enduring emotional upheaval is a true test of patience for me.

but this unsettlement within me allowed me a window into something i rarely examine:

i was able to tune into how i feel about events, behaviors, etc.

typically, i'd make a quick decision about the situation & move on,

but being in this emotional place gave me an entirely different vantage point.

for example,

things that annoy me usually just get ignored by me,

but by checking into the feelings being triggered i could understand why i was annoyed.

my body was trying to give me messages to help me.

so this past week i learned to be a better listener to myself.

by working to know my feelings,

i can take on a new p.o.v. to open myself up to new possibilities.

i mean, what's passion without some emotion?