garden talk

gardening isn't really my thing.
still, i'm fascinated by the thought of mulching.
being able to use the refuse of plants to produce new & healthy plants is so ingenious to me.

and as i ponder this,
i realize that my Gardener is in the business of mulching.
because i've got a ton of refuse that i've accumulated from

• poor choices
• shameful actions
• skeletons in the closet

and i often don't think anything good can come out of that stuff.

it's a good thing God disagrees with me.
it's a good thing He composts my past & mulches it up to make my present & future beautiful.
the past doesn't get eradicated --
it is made functional for His purposes.

jessica jessica, how does your garden grow?
with lots of loving mulching that i can't do on my own.

tidings of joy & suffering

i find it fascinating that this is a season of both
gladness
&
sorrow.

for some, there is gratitude for the gift of life & the opportunity to share all that it means.
for others, there is dread of the stress & sense of inadequacy the commercialized holidays bring out.
for even others, there is a depression that sets in from loss, loneliness, & lethargy.

to reduce/eliminate the holiday blues,
we don't send Christmas cards.
we don't have a brag-worthy nativity scene (we don't have one at all, actually).
we do decorate with lots of light.
we don't go to every holiday party we're invited to if we're tired or just need time alone.
we do have candles & scents that remind us that this is a special time.
we do make time to connect with others & share our thankfulness.


we only include elements into our celebration that make this a joyous occasion.

i want to wish everyone blessings during this month of hope,
and rest amongst the insanity.

breathe in the color,
transcend the chaos,
and feel the deep calm that the Gift of Christmas brings to us.

peace.

another gift

today, i discovered the trees outside my office building are cottonwood.

the mouth trap

as i read through proverbs,
there is a lot of attention paid to the mess our mouths can get us in.

gossip, complaining, breaking confidences, & just being stupid,
it's all mentioned on the "avoid" list.

but, gosh, it's so hard to break those habits!

i've been trying to cut down on my negative word quota,
and i'm finding it would be a whole lot easier if it weren't for having other people around.
instant popularity is not found in saying,
"no thanks, i'm not into talking about other people in a slanderous manner."

however, my outlook is improving as i pipe up with thankfulness.
at the risk of sounding pollyannaish,
i'm looking on the brightside because it's a heck of a lot more attractive.

God rewards those who follow His advice.
i'm working to make my words more attractive to Him.
who wants to join me?

leaning on that which stands on its own

it's tough to keep track of what i depend on.
i have a list of plans:
plan a, plan b, plan c...
always something to back up the plan preceding it so i don't feel "out of control".

but these plans are really only illusions,
and this gets shoved in my face as often as God remembers to show love to me.

He doesn't like me depending on anything other than Him,
and rightly so:
there is nothing outside of Him that can stand on its own.

when i trust in something that lacks a proven perfect track record --
which seems to be everything, last i checked
-- i set myself up to be let down.

my Daddy disciplines those He loves.
not just when we mess up, but when we need to learn self-discipline.
the fruit of the Spirit, self-control.
He loves me & hurts when i choose another thing to lean on.
something inferior to Him.
how illogical to lean on something less dependable, eh?

so today i'm declaring that i'm going to put my trust in what works.
want to join me?
(hint: it's not money or career.)

the myth of achieving happiness

when i would ask my clients what they wished to accomplish through therapy,
many shrugged & said half-jokingly,
"to be happy."
it was hard to share in the joke;
happiness doesn't really lend itself to creating a clinical treatment plan.

this is why:
happiness is a byproduct of other things, not an end result in itself.

people want it, but we cannot achieve it if it's what we're pursuing.

i heard a pastor on the radio yesterday remind us of what we should pursue:
a life of gratefulness.
giving thanks at all times,
not just in the good ones.

if we are followers of Jesus,
our lives should show a steady stream of thanksgiving.
bitterness & complaining are not becoming characteristics for His kids.

sure, there are times when things suck,
just like i mentioned a few posts ago.
and we don't have to pretend that everything is rosy when it isn't.
God didn't ask us to be blind, naive, or inept.
but as we pray on our circumstances let's give thanks for what IS working right now & what may come as a result of tough times.

happiness will escape our grasp when we reach for it,
but thankfulness leads us into joy & peace by its very nature.

trees & such

i've been working with a friend on creating a film piece on trees.
God really seemed to have an affinity to that metaphor.
we're finding that we do, too.

the trees of our Lord are sturdy & dependable,
and they are dependent on Him for life & sustenance.
they don't run out of fruit -- ever!
and, gosh, does He ever love & care for them.

we're excited to make this piece to share His love of trees with others in His forest.
in the meantime,
let's all take a break & ask if we're really sticking to His job description for His trees.

giving thanks when things suck

~be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. this is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.~
1 thessalonians 5:16-18


it isn't easy to be grateful all the time.
my default mode is set to "brood, worry, & complain".
switching out of that mode takes considerable effort.
i mention this because i've been working against my default a lot lately.
we're trying to sell our house back in detroit with a nasty economy,
and we're working our way out of an equally nasty financial situation.

so let's get thankful, eh?
well, if that's what you want, God, i'll give it my best shot.

the first step for me to get there was to realize that,
when faced with a problem,
i shook my puny fist at God & declared loudly,
"this sucks!"
and, of course, i went through the ick & guck & was better for it.
so i started to see a problem & think,
"this sucks, but not really because something cool will come from it."

note: this was not because i was becoming a better person;
it was totally because God was taking over.
left to myself, i would still be shaking my fist & complaining about my rotator cuff.

so He got me thinking about giving thanks.
and i started doing it each time i felt beat down.
"this sucks" ---> "...so thank You!"

it's getting easier with practice,
and i can tell God's claimed more parts of me as a result.
that in itself is something i can give thanks for...
amidst the suckiness...
which probably isn't that sucky after all.

in motion & out of strength

i heard a comment today that really stuck with me:
God doesn't give strength to us when we're in motion.

the context of this is NOT that God doesn't help us when we have a lot going on.
in fact, the person who said it remarked that God always makes sure we won't run out of steam when we are under pressure.

the context of this statement IS that we need to be taking time to be still before God,
taking time to listen to Him & accept His strength as He works within us.
He doesn't toss strength as us as we run from starbucks to our car while we're on our cell phone.

our God is an intimate God.
His strength comes from those focused, intimate moments together.

the black hole

my mouth gets me into a lot of trouble.
don't get me wrong --
i TRY to make it do good things.
but sometimes it just seems to have a mind of its own.

in reading ephesians 4, it's interesting how many things we are warned against that have to do with our mouths.
even the indirect ones, like being angry, are often expressed through words.

so how do we keep our black holes from sucking us into oblivion?

i've been trying to team up with the Spirit within me to get some of this tendency-toward-implosion under control.
trouble is that i like to do it on my terms,
and i find myself using my mouth to do a lot of the talking.
the Spirit, though, seems to prefer me to quiet down.
It wants to share some ideas on self-control, being that self-control is one of Its very own fruits.

so what am i learning?
to slow down.
to listen up.
to stay in rhythm with the Spirit, who in turn guides my words.

now, i'm still human.
so the words aren't always spot on,
and sometimes they are COMPLETELY off.
but then my mouth can do something really useful:
apologize.

i know i can't seal the black hole,
but i guess i'm praying that God will make me into a supernova.
a supernova that is really good at listening to Him.

the dirty rag problem

the first time someone informed me of what "dirty rags" translated to in the Bible, it freaked me out.
and i felt really bad about all i was trying to do.
i was one of those kids who liked to work hard & make others proud.
all-american.
good work ethic.

and then i find out that God doesn't care about that stuff.

shoot.

i wanted so badly to win His favor with my smart thinkin', elbow grease, & lovableness,
but i come find out He just wanted me to LET GO of my need to earn His favor.
because i already have it.

but how could that be?
and why was it that when i DID try to win Him over things got all the more difficult?

it's taken me a lot of tries --
probably in the triple digits by now --
to not try.

today, i caught myself coming up with yet another plan to make God like me & make myself more usable for Him.
the dirty rags were piling up.
yet He's so patient, isn't He?

my prayer is that i let go of my need to act & earn,
and that i let my loving God direct me into the work He has for me.
that i act in His guidance & grace, not my own drive.

at some point, i gotta admit it:
i'm no good when i go in with my own agenda.
i guess i might as well make that confession today.

upgrading dream 1.0

i don't know why i don't get it.
i've gone through it multiple times each year,
but i forget the protocol every time.

God gives me a dream.
i get excited.
i started to dream with this dream.

and this is where i go wrong.

i cling to the dream.
God asks for it back.
i tell him i want to figure it out first, that i have some great ideas.
He asks for it back.
i say no.
He waits patiently & keeps success from flowing to me.
i get frustrated because He gave me a dream & isn't coming through for me.
He waits patiently.
i get angry & cry & throw tantrums asking why He isn't blessing me.
He waits patiently.
i realize He's still asking for the dream back.

and this is where is where i go right.

i give it back.
He works within me & with the dream.
He gives it back to me bigger & better.
and i'm more able to handle it & be part of making it what it's meant to be:
His, not mine.

so dream 1.0 is really just an alpha.
i try to make it a beta.
God wants to launch it, but He wants it to be fully functional:
dream 2.0.

i'm praying that He'll help me to delete steps from the places i go wrong.
i'm praying that He'll help me give up dream 1.0 & trust Him with the process.

day 30

we're 1/3 of the way through.
33.3333333333333...%
but that 1/3 is just when it comes to time, not to the actual goal.

we prayerfully set the goal of raising $80,000 in 90 days.
the purposes of this goal were to help us:

• get focused on the Lord
• get out of debt
• get giving to some important causes.

of course, we realize $80,000 isn't petty cash.
so we have been working daily to create new opportunities for cash flow & savings.

we've done well with the savings part.
cash flow is a bit more challenging.

but every morning, we pray that God will lead us in this goal,
that we will be intentional & work together with Him to make something happen much bigger than us.
we can't do this on our own, and we don't want to.

there is a log of all our progress & regress each day since we started.
it's interesting to see how far we've come according to this log.
i write much more, and bob is much more serious about filming & teaching.
we don't have cable, and we hardly watch TV.
eating out is a rare occasion, and i'm learning [slowly] how to cook.

we don't just dream now -- we act.

it must be clarified here:
we're not trying to get out of debt so we can be rich.
it's more of the idea of not serving 2 masters,
and right now the monster comprised of student loans, mortgage, & bills is quite our slave-driver.

so we're giving back the reins to our true & good Master,
and we're saying,
"You own everything; work in us in this situation so we can help others in theirs."

a prayer

God, morph me.

the foot bath

i am fascinated by the thought of Jesus washing feet.
regardless of cultural tradition & symbolism, i just love that this Guy cared SO MUCH about the other guys He hung out with that He took on one of the stinkiest parts of the male body.
that is LOVE.

but here's the kicker --
He tells them that He has to wash all their feet to include them in what He was doing.
(i'm sure judas was plenty perturbed by that thought.)
see, Jesus wanted them to feel what it is like to be honored by one who does not need to do so.

because that was their assignment after He left.

in reading this story, it has nudged me to think about ways i can wash others' feet.
i'm not all that into the act of it, so i'm sticking with the symbolism of it:
showing humble love & respect toward another.
it's a bit more personal than tossing an extra $1 into the make-a-wish jar at the store.

so i guess i'm on a quest to become a human foot bath.

unsettling down

i find it funny that i have to ask myself if i want to go deeper with God.
shouldn't the answer be an automatic & resounding "YES!"?
yet i realize that such a decision creates consequences elsewhere:
going deeper denotes excavation,
and excavation causes other areas to get stirred up & disrupted.
see the helpful flowchart below:

going deeper ---------> knocking my ducks out of a row

i work really hard to get my stuff settled.
i don't like having to start over again.
call it laziness, i call it...yep, laziness works.

someone once said,
"some people say, 'Jesus came along & took my life & got it all straightened out.'
that's not what happened to me.
i had everything where i wanted it, and He came along & shook it all up!"

that's what going deeper with Him requires:
regular shake-ups.
not settling.

and when i feel that tug on my heart of the Spirit wanting to show me something new,
i instinctively go into the pro-con list to evaluate if i can risk learning it at this point.

i'm working to realize it's not about me "risking" to learn.
it's about me being ready to say, "yes Lord," whenever He shows up.
cuz He cares less about my duck rows & more about me never settling with where i am.

legos

when i look around at people, i am baffled by the vast array of differences that exist.
sometimes i ask (& have overheard others say),
"why didn't He just make us all alike?"
and then i see a pack of legos & realize that this is more like how God works.

we are not meant to exist alone.
a solitary lego is of little use other than to hurt a whole lot when you step on it.
but blend it with other colors, shapes, sizes,
and you get a colorful house or a pirate ship or a whole new imaginative construct.
solitary legos just can't get that far.

next time you decide it's time to just go it alone or find someone exactly like you to work with,
remember that the end result will be a lot less dynamic & effective.
we need the different strengths & perspectives that others bring.
that was in our Lord's lego blueprints, after all.

~independence? that is middle-class blasphemy. we are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.~
george bernard shaw

kids these days

it was on my first mission trip at age 14 that i realized that being young could be a useful thing.
somehow, i had picked up on the message that a person could not do something of worth until s/he was an "adult".
seeing the zeal of my peers & the products of our Christ-focused teamwork convinced me:
Jesus really can use people under the age of 18!

what bothers me, though, is that there continues to be evidence of reverse ageism when it comes to leadership in the church.
i am not foolish enough to think that young people have the wisdom of their elders,
but i am idealistic enough to believe that they can accomplish a lot more than they are often encouraged to aspire to.
while there is ongoing dialogue focusing on the unfair attention paid to youthful appearance,
it misses the under-empowerment of younger leaders due to favoring established figures.

Jesus called the little children to Him.
the apostle paul told timothy not to let people look down on him for his age.

there are progressive, Jesus-following communities taking action to include & utilize the tweeners, teens, millenials, & gen-Xers.
these are the communities we spend time in & serve through.
it's time for ALL AGES to be valued & recognized as of worth to our King.
we can all teach & learn from each other.

title of the song

why would someone who is allergic to cottonwood consider it a blessing?
that's what i asked in order to get this exclusive interview...with myself.

Q: what's the story behind the title?

A: i was on a walk in my neighborhood several years ago, frustrated with the pain i was in & my perception of God's lack of intervention. i kept chasing after His approval & His gifts, and i came up empty-handed. i am a recovering type A, so this was not a pleasing result to me. as i argued with the Lord on this walk, i saw a cottonwood fluff float by me. i grabbed at it...& missed. bad aim. i tried again, closing my fist around the target. i opened it. empty.

Q: i think we get the picture.

A: well, i didn't. i was a bit too steeped in my own anger & hurt to think clearly, and i kept on chasing that fluff & grabbing at it. every time, i ended up with nothing.

Q: did you give up?

A: technically, yes. i reached a cul de sac, and i had to turn around. i was so upset at this point; nothing i was striving for was coming to me. and then i started to walk with the wind to my back, not reaching for the fluffs -- and a shower of them landed on me. i didn't even have to open my hands to grasp them. it was like God was saying, "I will provide. cease striving, my child."

Q: did you?

A: it took some practice (it still does), but i'm getting better. with the help of the One who makes the cottonwood, of course. i'm learning to rest and trust that He will bring the right blessings by His grace & in His time.

being human

know what's great about God?
He doesn't expect superhumanism.
when He says to get along with others, it's always framed in a reasonable manner.
He tells us to take breaks & get rest.
and He only tells us to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers.
i like following a proactive, reasonable, caring Deity.
it makes me want to love Him back.
and keep working at doing what He says,
knowing He'll accept me regardless of my imperfections.

preview

en route to church today, i was caught by a thought:
i was getting a chance to immerse myself in a preview of Whom i'd be worshiping.

much like when i was in high school & would listen to every album of the band i was on my way to see in concert.
getting to know their work.
getting to appreciate their genius.
it put me in the right frame of mind to be in awe.

the mountains, the sky, the people driving next to me.
all were pointing me toward the Headline Performer.