Uncle
Mark’s Troublesome Toy Car:
When
a Loved One Is Absent Due to Addiction or Untreated Mental Illness
By Jessica S. Marquis
I have an uncle named Mark.
He has a toy car.
I don’t see Uncle Mark very often.
That’s because his toy car is
troublesome.
Mommy says he got the car when he was
younger.
It wasn’t so troublesome then.
He liked to play with the car,
But he always left it at home.
Uncle Mark started playing with the car
more and more.
He spent lots of time with it.
He spent less and less time with people
and things he cared about.
Now, he brings the car with him
everywhere he goes.
Sometimes, the toy car causes Uncle
Mark to make bad choices,
Like when it rolled into the street and
he tried to chase it.
Other times, the toy car makes Uncle
Mark loud and mad,
Like when it got stuck under the sofa
and he couldn’t reach it.
And other times, the toy car makes
Uncle Mark not show up for things,
Like when he was too busy playing with
it, and he missed my talent show.
I am sad when Uncle Mark makes bad
choices or doesn’t show up.
I get scared when Uncle Mark is loud
and mad.
One day, Mommy told Uncle Mark he could
not visit us anymore if he brought his car.
He was unhappy.
So was I.
So was Mommy.
She gave me hugs and told me Uncle Mark
doesn’t want to be this way,
But he has chosen to keep playing with
the toy car, which hurts himself and others.
Mommy wants me to be happy.
It is her job to keep loud and mad
people away from me.
I miss Uncle Mark,
And I can still love him a lot…
…even though I don’t see him because of
his troublesome toy car.
Parent
discussion points:
·
Use
this story to normalize your child’s experience of having an absent loved one
due to poor choices or safety concerns. The toy car can be a direct metaphor
for drugs, alcohol, gambling, and other addictions. It can also represent an
untreated mental illness, where the individual is choosing not to engage in
counseling, take medication, etc.
·
Discuss
feelings like sadness and fear that can result from the individual’s choices.
Did the child witness hurtful behavior? What was that like? If the child hasn’t
met this person, be very simple in your explanation of your own feelings.
·
Emphasize
at the end that is still possible to love the individual, even if you have had
to set a boundary with that person. You can end the story by inviting the child
to take an action with you, such as writing a letter that will not be sent to
the individual, talking about nice memories and qualities of him/her, or praying
for him/her.
·
Here
is an example of a way to discuss this story: “Like Uncle Mark, your aunt has
something that makes her act in a way that is not always nice. It is an
illness, and she has decided not to take medicine that would make her feel
better and be safe. When she isn’t feeling well, she says things that hurt
people’s feelings, including mine. Because I love you, I want her to make
better choices in order to be around you. I still love your aunt very much, and
I hope she decides to take her medicine so we can spend time with her. Would
you like to pray with me that she will?”
