I am no stranger to inconsistency. I know how to start a project with passion and drive...and never finish it. I have a spotty history of coming and going in friendships and commitments. And, as a native Detroiter, I have weathered the vacillating reputations of the Pistons and the Tigers (although the Lions have been fairly consistent through the years).
And then something happened.
Namely, The Message version of Ephesians 4:2:
~And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love...~
"Fits and starts..." Oh man, I did not need to finish reading that passage. The phrase had me pegged, and it felt awful. No matter how well I'd tried to hide it - no matter how successful I'd been at doing so - I knew I was living inconsistently. And my consistent, unchanging God longed to get me on track and in rhythm.
As I read further in the chapter, Ephesians 4:14 (this time, the NIV) nailed me again:
~Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves,
and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning
and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.~
"Tossed back and forth..." Yep, guilty again. I was an immature threenager who just wanted new new new! I loved me some new trends, new insights, new voices. But this thirst for novelty was causing me to wander away from the solidness of The Truth.
And so I relinquished my fits and starts in favor of the seeming boringness of consistency. It took a lot of practice and some embarrassing accountability, but my loving Daddy finally has me on the right path. I'm still not always great at it - my personality type is not known for its conventionality - but God's grace covers my flaws.
And Ephesians 4:2, after punching me in the gut, taught me to stay humble as I learn this life of discipline. <3 span="">
10.28.2015
10.23.2015
Burnt Out on Burnout
There has been a common underlying theme in several of my conversations recently. I think the title of this post gave it away - maybe I should have been a bit more sneaky and teased the story better. Next time.
As I was contemplating how prevalent burnout is among women who love to serve in ministry, who are sooooo ready to use their gifts, I realized what a marvelous scam it is for the enemy. Get in there when the hard worker is doing her thing for Jesus, make her think she needs to do more and do it more often, and soon she no longer wants to do any of it.
Boom! One more soldier he doesn't have to worry about.
And here's the real kicker: If you don't think you're prone to burnout, you're totally prime for the picking.
So let me, a recovering burnout addict who was always either burnt out or on my way to being there, explain to you the intricacies of it through its own metaphor.
When a candle wick is lit, it's a steady burn. If it doesn't take a break and get blown out from time to time, it will burn away more quickly. The burning does not speed up; it just continues on its course. When the end of the wick is reached, the flame goes out. That's it. No grand finale, no dramatic exit - it just ends.
In other words, one Sunday you may be worshiping in church next to someone, and the next week she isn't certain she still believes in God. Sound familiar?
For me, my body would give off signals like pain in my right shoulder or acid reflux or trouble sleeping, but I'd shrug them off as general life stress. I kept telling myself, "People are counting on me! God wants me to be doing this as my ministry to Him!"
Let me be straight with you in a way no one was with me: If you're serving from wick that is about to die, God isn't asking you to keep going. He is asking you to rest, to say no, to back off, to be still.
He doesn't need you to keep going, and He doesn't want you to make yourself sick. He created your body with amazing warning systems that He intends for you to honor, and He created His body with amazing helpers equipped with giftings to come alongside yours.
A burnt-out heart is so contrary to what He desires. In its burnt-out state, it is next to worthless in kingdom work. It takes a lot of time and healing for it to even wish to return, and then it may come back guarded or, worse, jaded.
But if you are burnt out, please hear me on this: His arms are waiting. He can restore you. Let me throw a truth sandwich at you:
Got that? He wants you to step away, sit in His loving and grace-filled presence, be made new, and witness the new life He is growing in and around you!
Let's stop listening to the enemy's subtle lies to keep going in our own strength because "this needs to be done." That isn't what Hebrews 12:1-3 is about. When we fix our eyes on Jesus (vs. 2), He will give us His energy and will renew us to soar on wings like eagles.
Oh, and to revisit the metaphor one last time, if there isn't oxygen to keep the flame lit, no matter how much wick is left, the fire will die. So take a breath.
As I was contemplating how prevalent burnout is among women who love to serve in ministry, who are sooooo ready to use their gifts, I realized what a marvelous scam it is for the enemy. Get in there when the hard worker is doing her thing for Jesus, make her think she needs to do more and do it more often, and soon she no longer wants to do any of it.
Boom! One more soldier he doesn't have to worry about.
And here's the real kicker: If you don't think you're prone to burnout, you're totally prime for the picking.
~Pride precedes a disaster, and an arrogant attitude precedes a fall.~
Proverbs 16:18 (GW)
So let me, a recovering burnout addict who was always either burnt out or on my way to being there, explain to you the intricacies of it through its own metaphor.
When a candle wick is lit, it's a steady burn. If it doesn't take a break and get blown out from time to time, it will burn away more quickly. The burning does not speed up; it just continues on its course. When the end of the wick is reached, the flame goes out. That's it. No grand finale, no dramatic exit - it just ends.
In other words, one Sunday you may be worshiping in church next to someone, and the next week she isn't certain she still believes in God. Sound familiar?
For me, my body would give off signals like pain in my right shoulder or acid reflux or trouble sleeping, but I'd shrug them off as general life stress. I kept telling myself, "People are counting on me! God wants me to be doing this as my ministry to Him!"
Let me be straight with you in a way no one was with me: If you're serving from wick that is about to die, God isn't asking you to keep going. He is asking you to rest, to say no, to back off, to be still.
~"Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”~
Psalm 46:10 (ESV) - emphasis mine
He doesn't need you to keep going, and He doesn't want you to make yourself sick. He created your body with amazing warning systems that He intends for you to honor, and He created His body with amazing helpers equipped with giftings to come alongside yours.
A burnt-out heart is so contrary to what He desires. In its burnt-out state, it is next to worthless in kingdom work. It takes a lot of time and healing for it to even wish to return, and then it may come back guarded or, worse, jaded.
But if you are burnt out, please hear me on this: His arms are waiting. He can restore you. Let me throw a truth sandwich at you:
Bread
~“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”~
~“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”~
Matthew 11:29-30 (MSG)
Middle
~The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.~
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
Bread
~Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!~
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)
Garnish
~“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."~
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)
Got that? He wants you to step away, sit in His loving and grace-filled presence, be made new, and witness the new life He is growing in and around you!
Let's stop listening to the enemy's subtle lies to keep going in our own strength because "this needs to be done." That isn't what Hebrews 12:1-3 is about. When we fix our eyes on Jesus (vs. 2), He will give us His energy and will renew us to soar on wings like eagles.
Oh, and to revisit the metaphor one last time, if there isn't oxygen to keep the flame lit, no matter how much wick is left, the fire will die. So take a breath.
9.30.2015
Digesting with gratitude
Dear patrons of the local Mexican restaurant my family frequents,
Thank you for allowing my husband and me to argue in your midst. Thank you for averting your eyes and not [audibly] questioning our decision to hash it all out in front of our young children. This has been a long journey for us to get to this place in our marriage, where we can be real with each other and show our disagreements instead of forced pleasantries.
Unlike our children, we did not witness many couples who loved each other arguing and then reconciling. Perhaps that is why we do not always fight fair; nonetheless, we are learning, and so are our daughter and two sons.
And thank you, staff, for giving us space so we could have this honest - and heated - discussion. You were attentive but not intrusive. It can be hard to have such tension in your establishment, and I can assure you we plan to return without gloves on. That's what reconciliation looks like, and we do it well because we've had a lot of practice.
Gratefully yours,
A couple still in training
Thank you for allowing my husband and me to argue in your midst. Thank you for averting your eyes and not [audibly] questioning our decision to hash it all out in front of our young children. This has been a long journey for us to get to this place in our marriage, where we can be real with each other and show our disagreements instead of forced pleasantries.
Unlike our children, we did not witness many couples who loved each other arguing and then reconciling. Perhaps that is why we do not always fight fair; nonetheless, we are learning, and so are our daughter and two sons.
And thank you, staff, for giving us space so we could have this honest - and heated - discussion. You were attentive but not intrusive. It can be hard to have such tension in your establishment, and I can assure you we plan to return without gloves on. That's what reconciliation looks like, and we do it well because we've had a lot of practice.
Gratefully yours,
A couple still in training
9.22.2015
Of Lemons and Lost Paychecks
Before the onset of children, my husband sold his reliable red 2003 Ford Focus ZX5 so he could get something bigger, more adult-looking, with more trunk space. He wanted to be able to haul our film equipment more easily, and there were only so many Tetris moves he could do to fit it all in the little hatchback.
And so, of course, we ended up with a bright yellow 2003 Mini Cooper. It met every need on the checklist - except for being bigger, more adult-looking, and having more trunk space. But it looked cool. The controls inside were like a space shuttle. It had leather seats and two moonroofs. The October day we took it home from its private seller, we went for a long drive and dreamt aloud of all the adventures we would take in it.
But first we had to do some minor maintenance. Since it was a BMW product, we had to take it to a special BMW shop. Which we didn't know at first, causing a simple oil change at our regular mechanic to result in a leak. We got that fixed, and a few more things, and we were back on the road. Bob bought cute little Mini Cooper accessories from other enthusiasts and enjoyed his new status of being part of this secret club of car owners.
A month later, we were looking at a positive pregnancy test, then over at the miniscule backseat area, trying to figure out if a carseat could possibly reside there. Around this time, we had to take the car back into the BMW shop for some mystery malfunctions, and we were out another paycheck. But, dang, that car was cool! And so we paid the bill and were back on the road, measuring leg room and evaluating seating arrangements.
And then the Spring came. We had not fully appreciated that two moonroofs with no shades to close in Phoenix would bake us alive. The air conditioning did little to cool it, and we couldn't use music to distract ourselves from sticking to the leather seats because some of the radio wires weren't working right.
As I grew in size throughout the pregnancy, I dreaded riding/roasting in the car and then climbing up out of it. The fact that the car was in and out of the shop so frequently canceled any plans to take it on those vacations we'd discussed that first night. So when I took it to get emissions testing done and heard grinding as I turned the steering wheel, I was ready to just park the car and leave the keys on the seat as they had done on the stinky car episode of Seinfeld.
Eventually, we had to accept the Apostle Paul's sentiment, "'I have the right to do anything,' you say--but not everything is beneficial" (1 Corinthians 10:23). We put the car up for sale. It took several months, but it eventually sold - almost one year to the date we had bought it.
And so it is with relationships, my dating friends. If it's a lemon from the beginning, don't buy it. If you're already driving it, sell it. No matter how cool it looks, if all it does is drain you, you'll just keep dumping more into it and longing for the road trips you will never take.
And so, of course, we ended up with a bright yellow 2003 Mini Cooper. It met every need on the checklist - except for being bigger, more adult-looking, and having more trunk space. But it looked cool. The controls inside were like a space shuttle. It had leather seats and two moonroofs. The October day we took it home from its private seller, we went for a long drive and dreamt aloud of all the adventures we would take in it.
But first we had to do some minor maintenance. Since it was a BMW product, we had to take it to a special BMW shop. Which we didn't know at first, causing a simple oil change at our regular mechanic to result in a leak. We got that fixed, and a few more things, and we were back on the road. Bob bought cute little Mini Cooper accessories from other enthusiasts and enjoyed his new status of being part of this secret club of car owners.
A month later, we were looking at a positive pregnancy test, then over at the miniscule backseat area, trying to figure out if a carseat could possibly reside there. Around this time, we had to take the car back into the BMW shop for some mystery malfunctions, and we were out another paycheck. But, dang, that car was cool! And so we paid the bill and were back on the road, measuring leg room and evaluating seating arrangements.
And then the Spring came. We had not fully appreciated that two moonroofs with no shades to close in Phoenix would bake us alive. The air conditioning did little to cool it, and we couldn't use music to distract ourselves from sticking to the leather seats because some of the radio wires weren't working right.
As I grew in size throughout the pregnancy, I dreaded riding/roasting in the car and then climbing up out of it. The fact that the car was in and out of the shop so frequently canceled any plans to take it on those vacations we'd discussed that first night. So when I took it to get emissions testing done and heard grinding as I turned the steering wheel, I was ready to just park the car and leave the keys on the seat as they had done on the stinky car episode of Seinfeld.
Eventually, we had to accept the Apostle Paul's sentiment, "'I have the right to do anything,' you say--but not everything is beneficial" (1 Corinthians 10:23). We put the car up for sale. It took several months, but it eventually sold - almost one year to the date we had bought it.
And so it is with relationships, my dating friends. If it's a lemon from the beginning, don't buy it. If you're already driving it, sell it. No matter how cool it looks, if all it does is drain you, you'll just keep dumping more into it and longing for the road trips you will never take.
9.19.2015
From a mom of 3 under 4 to the incoming grad school student
Below is a letter I posted at my new blog, Verses 3 to 5, where Christian women can post letters to their former selves. God's grace is so good!
Dear 22-year-old Jessy,
First of all, I know how closed you are to advice, especially any that comes from someone who approaches you with an attitude of, "I'm older, so I know." It seems condescending, and I will strive to avoid that here.
You're busy. So very very very busy. And you're going to crash...eventually. If you start now, though, you can build a support system who will surround you and encourage you so you don't break apart upon impact. Yes, that is contrary to your m.o.; you prefer to stay isolated when you're suffering. But that is pride, not wisdom.
Today, you lead a Bible study full of moms of young kiddos, and you divulge embarrassing stuff every week. And it feels good. You've had to ask for their help on several occasions, not the least of these being when you had three little kids and couldn't pull yourself away from the restroom longer than an hour due to a stomach bug that wouldn't quit. These ladies have held you and prayed for you and loved you when you were pregnant with twins, the size of a manatee, wearing your husband's pajamas and no makeup. You want this, but you haven't known what it looks like. Now you do.
So check out your friends. You have a bad feeling about a few of them, but you're not listening to yourself, and you'll regret that. It's not weak or rolling in holy bubble-wrap to have friends who love Jesus, and you don't have to say goodbye to those who don't. But if you take some time to write a mission statement for the next 5 years, align yourself with it, and hold yourself accountable to at least one Jesus-following woman who truly cares about you, you won't end up having to do all the backtracking you'll have to do otherwise. After all, it gets harder to hold it together - "it" includes relationships - the more you alienate people through your intense need for privacy.
Community is a blessing, so get involved with a small group at Genesis now, before you don't have time for it. Get the relationships in place so you can rely on them in the tough spots ahead. This will teach you how to share openly, learn from others, live congruently, prioritize your relationship with Christ, and all kinds of other things you're trying to do on your own. Think about that, Jess: You're trying to be in community by yourself. That's ridiculous.
But you don't have anyone calling you out on it because you're ducking and hiding. Let's call this what it is: Fear. Listen, girl: The God you serve is not one of fear! He is a God of love and grace, and He's bigger than all your bad habits, stupid decisions, and irrationality. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18) That isn't a condemnation of your lack of progress in the journey - it's a call to be perfected even more! He cherishes you and wants this for you! You are the daughter of the King!
So, before you head into not having a life for more years than you yet realize, get your walk with Jesus straight. Relinquish the crazy control you're grasping for - your husband and kiddos (one of whom is banging his head against a glass cabinet right now) will teach you that you don't really have it anyway! - and relax in the path He's designed for you. It will be long, hard work, but you will enjoy it with the right people by your side.
By His grace & in His time,
--j
Dear 22-year-old Jessy,
First of all, I know how closed you are to advice, especially any that comes from someone who approaches you with an attitude of, "I'm older, so I know." It seems condescending, and I will strive to avoid that here.
You're busy. So very very very busy. And you're going to crash...eventually. If you start now, though, you can build a support system who will surround you and encourage you so you don't break apart upon impact. Yes, that is contrary to your m.o.; you prefer to stay isolated when you're suffering. But that is pride, not wisdom.
Today, you lead a Bible study full of moms of young kiddos, and you divulge embarrassing stuff every week. And it feels good. You've had to ask for their help on several occasions, not the least of these being when you had three little kids and couldn't pull yourself away from the restroom longer than an hour due to a stomach bug that wouldn't quit. These ladies have held you and prayed for you and loved you when you were pregnant with twins, the size of a manatee, wearing your husband's pajamas and no makeup. You want this, but you haven't known what it looks like. Now you do.
So check out your friends. You have a bad feeling about a few of them, but you're not listening to yourself, and you'll regret that. It's not weak or rolling in holy bubble-wrap to have friends who love Jesus, and you don't have to say goodbye to those who don't. But if you take some time to write a mission statement for the next 5 years, align yourself with it, and hold yourself accountable to at least one Jesus-following woman who truly cares about you, you won't end up having to do all the backtracking you'll have to do otherwise. After all, it gets harder to hold it together - "it" includes relationships - the more you alienate people through your intense need for privacy.
Community is a blessing, so get involved with a small group at Genesis now, before you don't have time for it. Get the relationships in place so you can rely on them in the tough spots ahead. This will teach you how to share openly, learn from others, live congruently, prioritize your relationship with Christ, and all kinds of other things you're trying to do on your own. Think about that, Jess: You're trying to be in community by yourself. That's ridiculous.
But you don't have anyone calling you out on it because you're ducking and hiding. Let's call this what it is: Fear. Listen, girl: The God you serve is not one of fear! He is a God of love and grace, and He's bigger than all your bad habits, stupid decisions, and irrationality. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18) That isn't a condemnation of your lack of progress in the journey - it's a call to be perfected even more! He cherishes you and wants this for you! You are the daughter of the King!
So, before you head into not having a life for more years than you yet realize, get your walk with Jesus straight. Relinquish the crazy control you're grasping for - your husband and kiddos (one of whom is banging his head against a glass cabinet right now) will teach you that you don't really have it anyway! - and relax in the path He's designed for you. It will be long, hard work, but you will enjoy it with the right people by your side.
By His grace & in His time,
--j
9.11.2015
The Inclusive Misfit
This morning, I watched my firstborn swallow her animated boldness to don the ill-tailored costume of a timid wallflower. It was her first tumbling class, and she was the youngest kiddo, the only new student, and therefore did not yet have a self-selected buddy. She hung back as the more experienced students ran, hopped, and jumping-jacked their way around the small dance studio. And I felt every one of her feelings.
I was a misfit as far back as my memory is reliable. There was nothing more incredible than finding that other misfit and finally having someone to stand next to, someone to giggle with, someone who didn't care about fitting in or adhering to others' standards. Because it wasn't that I wanted to be included with the other girls; I recognized our differences enough to respect the cordial boundaries we set at even the earliest of ages. Still, I consistently yearned for someone who "got" me.
And God was gracious to me in that. I met many other girls and boys, gals and guys, who were just "off" enough to get along with the masses but not go along with them. We formed covalent bonds the likes of which only the marginalized know. But that was not where things ended.
See, it would be too easy to form a sort of reverse-discrimination clique, full of snark toward the rest of normalcy. I saw that kind of thing, I tried it out when I was young and angry, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. No, to be more accurate, it sickened me. Why do to others as it has been done to you?
I serve a Savior who broke bread with tax collectors and prostitutes, a God who loves the downtrodden and the orphans. How then could I isolate and then alienate?
So, instead, these misfit friends and I inadvertently attracted other stragglers - ions, I suppose - into our universe. We created adventures and relationships and conversations that engaged other outcasts. We might as well have carried a blazing neon sign that read, "Feeling left out? Join us!"
And this is the lesson I want to share with my kids. I want to grab each one of them every day and sing to them, "It's okay if you don't fit in. Don't try to! Find others who share your values, your interests, your taste for life, and then journey with them. Bring others along - you are no better or worse than anyone else."
The hard part is that this type of lesson often comes through empathy, which means my words won't be enough. They will need to feel lonely and left out. This tears at my mama heart, and I pray that I won't get in the way of the experiences God puts in their paths to give them a greater sense of compassion. Including today's tumbling class.
I was a misfit as far back as my memory is reliable. There was nothing more incredible than finding that other misfit and finally having someone to stand next to, someone to giggle with, someone who didn't care about fitting in or adhering to others' standards. Because it wasn't that I wanted to be included with the other girls; I recognized our differences enough to respect the cordial boundaries we set at even the earliest of ages. Still, I consistently yearned for someone who "got" me.
And God was gracious to me in that. I met many other girls and boys, gals and guys, who were just "off" enough to get along with the masses but not go along with them. We formed covalent bonds the likes of which only the marginalized know. But that was not where things ended.
See, it would be too easy to form a sort of reverse-discrimination clique, full of snark toward the rest of normalcy. I saw that kind of thing, I tried it out when I was young and angry, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. No, to be more accurate, it sickened me. Why do to others as it has been done to you?
I serve a Savior who broke bread with tax collectors and prostitutes, a God who loves the downtrodden and the orphans. How then could I isolate and then alienate?
So, instead, these misfit friends and I inadvertently attracted other stragglers - ions, I suppose - into our universe. We created adventures and relationships and conversations that engaged other outcasts. We might as well have carried a blazing neon sign that read, "Feeling left out? Join us!"
And this is the lesson I want to share with my kids. I want to grab each one of them every day and sing to them, "It's okay if you don't fit in. Don't try to! Find others who share your values, your interests, your taste for life, and then journey with them. Bring others along - you are no better or worse than anyone else."
The hard part is that this type of lesson often comes through empathy, which means my words won't be enough. They will need to feel lonely and left out. This tears at my mama heart, and I pray that I won't get in the way of the experiences God puts in their paths to give them a greater sense of compassion. Including today's tumbling class.
4.01.2015
Corrosion
As I've spent time in authentic community - something I avoided for years out of fear of being known - I have started to see how the Spirit has re-sensitized me. Or perhaps there is no "re-"; perhaps it's for the first time.
For example, today I experienced a frustration, and I thought through a careful reaction & implemented it. But I still felt lousy about it, despite the tactfulness I was so fastidious to apply. And then I realized why my spirit wasn't at peace: It was because I hadn't gone to the Spirit first to get my feelings in check & my perspective adjusted. I had done it "in the flesh", to borrow an old-school churchy term.
I guess I see my prayers as a battery that has tons of corrosion that has built up on its ends from slow leaks. Some energy still gets through from time to time, but it's more the exception than the rule. The easiest thing is to toss the whole mess out & just say, "Screw it all." But my loving Daddy has given me this new chance to let Him chisel away at the muck, replenishing the juice inside and giving my terminal a polished sheen so all the volts can get through.
And I couldn't do it on my own, because prayer is just a transaction when I'm on the go. When no one is holding me accountable, I tend to just present a list of wants, sorries, and sometimes a thank-you. But being around others who are conversing with God gets me to the relationship part, which is really what prayer is about anyway. I'm sensitized & charged up & ready to connect.
For example, today I experienced a frustration, and I thought through a careful reaction & implemented it. But I still felt lousy about it, despite the tactfulness I was so fastidious to apply. And then I realized why my spirit wasn't at peace: It was because I hadn't gone to the Spirit first to get my feelings in check & my perspective adjusted. I had done it "in the flesh", to borrow an old-school churchy term.
I guess I see my prayers as a battery that has tons of corrosion that has built up on its ends from slow leaks. Some energy still gets through from time to time, but it's more the exception than the rule. The easiest thing is to toss the whole mess out & just say, "Screw it all." But my loving Daddy has given me this new chance to let Him chisel away at the muck, replenishing the juice inside and giving my terminal a polished sheen so all the volts can get through.
And I couldn't do it on my own, because prayer is just a transaction when I'm on the go. When no one is holding me accountable, I tend to just present a list of wants, sorries, and sometimes a thank-you. But being around others who are conversing with God gets me to the relationship part, which is really what prayer is about anyway. I'm sensitized & charged up & ready to connect.
3.30.2015
Eating Hands
My kiddos are adorable, but not brilliant. At least, not yet. When I go to nurse their hungry little 4-month-old mouths, I often find they have preemptively shoved a fist into it. In an effort to sate their appetite, they find something that works in a tactile way but not nutritionally.
If only they knew to wait! That their mama is equipped and happy to provide them with what they need to thrive!
And yet I do this so often with my own loving Daddy. I'm hungry, desiring something that could very well be good for me, but before He meets that hunger I stuff my face (figuratively) with something inadequate, but something I can control.
In time, my boys will learn to keep their hands out of the way when it comes time to eat, just as their older sister eventually did. I pray that I will, too.
~Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.~
Isaiah 55:2
If only they knew to wait! That their mama is equipped and happy to provide them with what they need to thrive!
And yet I do this so often with my own loving Daddy. I'm hungry, desiring something that could very well be good for me, but before He meets that hunger I stuff my face (figuratively) with something inadequate, but something I can control.
In time, my boys will learn to keep their hands out of the way when it comes time to eat, just as their older sister eventually did. I pray that I will, too.
~Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.~
Isaiah 55:2
3.19.2015
Should You Stay or Should You Go?
Okay, this one may hurt. Loving Daddy, let any wounds that result be trusted as those of a friend (Proverbs 27:6) & as those of Your truth.
Earlier this year, we were discussing in Milkweed our theme verse/passage for 2015. Mine is justice, specifically as it relates to the "fast" described in Isaiah 58:6-12. As I've been meditating on this, the Spirit has been redefining my perception of oppression & justice: It's not just about slavery, the homeless, minorities, & other headlines in the news, although all of those require us to take action & show love.
In particular, the oppression & justice I am becoming personally aware of is in our relationship with money. One area this is especially evident to us as moms is in our perspective on working for a paycheck.
When I was about to go on maternity leave, my coworkers were certain I would return. As one pointed out to me, "There is no way these days to raise a family on one income." Know what is missing in that statement? Faith. Or, more specifically, our Provider. And yet, so many of us live our lives as though this is an area He somehow lost control over. As soon as things get tight & the checks may start bouncing, we - and I've done this too! - immediately start browsing Indeed.com or checking for gigs on Craigslist.
What few of us do first is be still & ask Daddy what He wants out of this time of scarcity. Is it a chance for complete dependence on Him, an opportunity to see His faithfulness in tangible ways, through the sacrifice of our [false] sense of control? Or does He truly want us to return to the workforce at this time, to contribute financially to our family's bottom line? He has created you & has a plan for you. For some of us, that means working; for others, that means staying at home. But we must not get His long-term plan confused with our short-term circumstances, no matter how anxiety-inducing they may be.
So, how will we know if we're in His plan? If there is Divine peace in our decision. (FYI: He provides for the working mama & the SAHM alike!)
If you're facing this quandary, I don't know the answer for you. I do know you need to be asking God what He wants & listening for His answer. It's easy to try to solve the problem through our own common sense & elbow grease, but if He wants you at home with your kiddo(s) and you're making a paycheck or sitting in a classroom, your role as both mom & His daughter will be impacted...as will your children & your marriage.
The Spirit can set you free to have a fruitful relationship with & healthy perspective on money. What you give your kiddos, your partners, & the Lord will be returned to you & then some - as long as it is given in obedience & faith.
~Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.~
Luke 6:38
Earlier this year, we were discussing in Milkweed our theme verse/passage for 2015. Mine is justice, specifically as it relates to the "fast" described in Isaiah 58:6-12. As I've been meditating on this, the Spirit has been redefining my perception of oppression & justice: It's not just about slavery, the homeless, minorities, & other headlines in the news, although all of those require us to take action & show love.
In particular, the oppression & justice I am becoming personally aware of is in our relationship with money. One area this is especially evident to us as moms is in our perspective on working for a paycheck.
When I was about to go on maternity leave, my coworkers were certain I would return. As one pointed out to me, "There is no way these days to raise a family on one income." Know what is missing in that statement? Faith. Or, more specifically, our Provider. And yet, so many of us live our lives as though this is an area He somehow lost control over. As soon as things get tight & the checks may start bouncing, we - and I've done this too! - immediately start browsing Indeed.com or checking for gigs on Craigslist.
What few of us do first is be still & ask Daddy what He wants out of this time of scarcity. Is it a chance for complete dependence on Him, an opportunity to see His faithfulness in tangible ways, through the sacrifice of our [false] sense of control? Or does He truly want us to return to the workforce at this time, to contribute financially to our family's bottom line? He has created you & has a plan for you. For some of us, that means working; for others, that means staying at home. But we must not get His long-term plan confused with our short-term circumstances, no matter how anxiety-inducing they may be.
So, how will we know if we're in His plan? If there is Divine peace in our decision. (FYI: He provides for the working mama & the SAHM alike!)
If you're facing this quandary, I don't know the answer for you. I do know you need to be asking God what He wants & listening for His answer. It's easy to try to solve the problem through our own common sense & elbow grease, but if He wants you at home with your kiddo(s) and you're making a paycheck or sitting in a classroom, your role as both mom & His daughter will be impacted...as will your children & your marriage.
The Spirit can set you free to have a fruitful relationship with & healthy perspective on money. What you give your kiddos, your partners, & the Lord will be returned to you & then some - as long as it is given in obedience & faith.
~Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.~
Luke 6:38
2.28.2015
The Power of Relaxing
So I was driving home this evening from taking my 3 sick kiddos & under-the-weather self to see my dad off to his flight back to Hungary, and I heard an interview with DJ Dan Deacon. In honor of the end of this week of rest in Milkweed, read this excerpt & prepare to have your brain shifted a bit!
"I was doing what I thought was relaxing, but was actually just killing time: I was on Facebook. And a friend of mine posted a video from the Toronto Film Festival of Bill Murray talking about his approach to acting — or his philosophy about life, I guess. And it just completely blew me away, because he said, 'Whatever your job is, the more relaxed you are, the better you are.'
And to me this was just like, 'What are you talking about? I forgot that word even existed!' Because I very much was a person who was motivated by stress; I would use a deadline as a motivator. I think a lot of people do that, where they're like, 'I'll just wait until the last minute, and that'll light a fire underneath me and I'll get it done.' And I just kept thinking, 'Well, that's a terrible way to live. Why am I building a house and lighting a fire in the basement just to see if I can finish the roof before it burns down my whole house?'
I started realizing how important it is to truly relax, and in relaxing, to be bored. You have to be bored. If you're not bored, your mind is never gonna wander, and if your mind never wanders, you're never gonna get lost in thought, and you're never gonna find yourself thinking things you wouldn't have otherwise thought."
-Dan Deacon
"I was doing what I thought was relaxing, but was actually just killing time: I was on Facebook. And a friend of mine posted a video from the Toronto Film Festival of Bill Murray talking about his approach to acting — or his philosophy about life, I guess. And it just completely blew me away, because he said, 'Whatever your job is, the more relaxed you are, the better you are.'
And to me this was just like, 'What are you talking about? I forgot that word even existed!' Because I very much was a person who was motivated by stress; I would use a deadline as a motivator. I think a lot of people do that, where they're like, 'I'll just wait until the last minute, and that'll light a fire underneath me and I'll get it done.' And I just kept thinking, 'Well, that's a terrible way to live. Why am I building a house and lighting a fire in the basement just to see if I can finish the roof before it burns down my whole house?'
I started realizing how important it is to truly relax, and in relaxing, to be bored. You have to be bored. If you're not bored, your mind is never gonna wander, and if your mind never wanders, you're never gonna get lost in thought, and you're never gonna find yourself thinking things you wouldn't have otherwise thought."
-Dan Deacon
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